The thing about that...

I keep having some really intense dreams... dreams that seem excruciatingly real. So far they've had to do with 1) feeling like someone was pinning me down, so much so that I wake up in cold sweats- screaming, 2) reliving some depressing shit that happened a while back and 3) experiencing an uncomfortable conversation- one that hasn't happened but that I've always dreaded might... and all of them leave me feeling worn out and broken in the morning.

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The thing about that is that I'm planning a 20+ mile hammock packing (like backpacking) trip for either late December or early January. The trail I'm planning on hiking does a loop, first heading south down the west side of a river, then crossing it, and returning north along the east side of the river. As long as everything goes well, I'll end up at my car between 2 and 4 days later, depending on how long I want to stay out.

The thing about that is that I pretty much hate being alone when it gets dark, especially when I'm out in the middle of nowhere, and as of late, I haven't been able to find anyone to go with me. My parents don't want me going alone. They're worried I'll get eaten by a bear or die of hypothermia or something. I share their worries, but I also feel like I kind of need to make this happen.

The thing about that is that I'm reading John Eldredge's "Wild at Heart" right now and yesterday I read some stuff that really made me think I have to go. I'm to the part of the book where it talks about how all men have this wound and in order to heal their wound (or to have God heal it for you), you have to enter into it. I don't really know how to explain my wound, but I know it hasn't been dealt with yet and I kind of feel like it's time... I know this sounds vague and spotty but I really feel like God's asking me to meet him, similar to how things happened in the book "The Shack". I kind of feel like God wants me alone, on His terms, so we can deal with my wound, and once my wound's been figured out, well, then hopefully God will give me my new name.

And the thing about that is that I don't have the slightest clue as to what my new name could even be. The name thing goes back to (and this is going to be the simplest of explanations), but the name thing come from the "Wild at Heart" book for one, but it's also something that happens in the bible in a bunch of different spots. It has to do with how when Christ calls us to follow Him we leave our old life behind and become of a new man in Christ... the purpose of the new name is to separate us from our old life. Back in bible times Abram became Abraham, Jacob became Israel and Saul became the Apostle Paul. Eldgredge gave examples like the dude from the movie "Gladiator" where early on in the movie he was only known as Maximus Meridius but after he goes through all of the crap he went through, well, he then says he's "Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

But that's not really what this dream thing is about, I don't think... At least not the name thing... The thing about the dream thing is that I think it's sort of God's way of helping me figure out my whole wound thing... because like Eldredge says in his book, we have to be able to enter into the wound to be able to have it healed...

So that's what I have to say about that...